Okay, so this past month has been quite crazy. Basically like an emotional roller coaster. But I think I’m getting better, like actually happier. It feels great!:) I mean nothing is going right, with anything, but I’m okay with that. Not everything needs to be okay for me to be okay. I actually think this one boy is really helping me see the better in life. Idk how he does it, he doesn’t even strive for it, he just talks. And I listen. It’s weird. I mean maybe because of the strong feelings I have for him, that make me grasp onto every word he says and just really listen. I want him to know I’m listening, and that I’m trying. Even though it’s hard to try when you didn’t care about anything, or even living. It’s sad how close I was to being in a depression, and suicidal. And that was scary, and then taking dramatic change in my life and making stupid irrational decisions which was making the depression even worse and my life worse as well. Then I guess I started becoming closer to this boy, I don’t really know how to explain it. We’re just friends, which sucks, I’d love to be more then that, but being his friend is better then being nothing at all so eh. Anyways, he has so much knowledge on life, and knows me so well, even if he doesn’t know me that well. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m predictable, or if it’s just because he’s good at reading people or whatever. But have like 5 minute conversations with him, about the littlest stuff, him treating me like a person and not a charity/pity case. I guess that’s why I like him so much as a person, because he treats me like one. He’s my friend and treats me like a person. I feel like my friends know so much about me, so even though they don’t know they do it, it sometimes comes off as like they’re better or higher then me, and that actually sucks, because I feel like the reason why we’re friends is because neither of us are better then the other, we’re equal. And I would think this boy who is better then me in everyday would treat me like that, but it’s opposite. I don’t know, I feel like this boy saved me, and I couldn’t thank him enough for it, but I couldn’t even thank him because he didn’t know about that rough patch I went through. He really is perfect, absolutely perfect, and I’ll just praise on him until he develops some feeling for me, or not. I just hope for the best, but not expecting anything. Trying to look at the positive without being unrealistic and get my hopes up for nothing. Otay, i just wanted to say I’m trying and I’m really proud of the progress I’m making :)
Hope you all enjoy my pictures as much as I enjoyed the actually thing plus the weekend :’)
